If I knew then what I know now (16)

Dear teen-me,

I sit here penning a letter to you. I know you will appreciate this - you always liked receiving letters. And sound advice. And things be told as they were. I think the only other letter you got at this time was from your friend Sangeetha to make up after a fight. And that letter had you in splits. It was funny, sarcastic and also embarassing. But you loved it and will save it for years to come. When I think about it now, it tells me that you had a flair for good sensed humor. Keep it. It will serve you well.

But there are some other things that I wished you'd known.

I could start with your high school years when you took your studies too lightly. The only time I remember you studying was just before the exams. You still managed to score very well. And that left you cocky. But alas, you did not realize that it was not because you were oh-so-smart, but because your class mates were relatively not as good. You did'nt have to wait long to face the truth. College did that for you.

You moved to Chennai from a small town and you met hoardes of new people - girls and boys who were confident, funny and most importantly knew when to study.

The girls seemed well-dressed, posh, spoke about George Michael and Metallica (who are these people, you wondered), never seemed to watch tamil movies and you felt like a fish out of water what with your repoirtaire of fave Bagyaraj comedies and Ilayaraja melodies. The biggest shock to you was that these girls also scored top of the class.

There was your 1st lesson - you can work hard AND also have fun. They are not mutually exclusive as you had confused yourself it to be. And being well dressed does not mean you will be taken lightly.

Now to the boys - oh where do we start? Being from an all-girls convent, this was your 1st real exposure to boys. You met some good ones and a lot of bad ones.

There was this group of moral cops - that seemed to promote a dumbed down verison of who you were. They spouted dialogs like "ponnuna satham podama sirkanum.." a la our super star. You were confused.. were all guys like this, you wondered..You changed ways to fit the popular mould. Dont! Stick to your originality..Life would've been so much more fun just the way you were.

Next and most importantly - your then BF. Though you will never accept, I know you had a slight degree of uneasiness about the relationship. He refused to acknowledge you in public. His moodiness was too much for you to handle. There were lot of sweet moments but lot of bad ones too. And you sushed the voice within and tried to work it through, because this was your first love.. and you though you will never fall in love again. Bollocks to that. Now I tell you, people fall in love over and over. Not every frog you kiss will turn into a prince.

I know you felt like your heart will literally break when it ended.. but hold on sweet heart. For you will go on to a meet and marry a guy, who will be charming, grounded in reality and will egg you on in your endavors. There will be many a days when you think "Thank God I did not end up with the other guy". So always, trust your instincts. Don't be hard on yourself. Giving up on something does not mean you failed at it.

Somethings will never change. You will like Ilayaraja melodies and rasam saadam forever. You will rebel. A lot. You will stay emotional yet guarded. But time will teach you to love yourself. Just the way you are.

Oh btw, the head of the moral cops, who instructed how good girls should behave, will go on to marry a girl with a tatoo on her navel and a mushroom head for her hair. You will have a hearty chuckle about life's ironies. As I told you, hold on to your flair for humor. It will serve you well.

Love,

Yours truly.