If I knew then what I know now (7)
A kiss would have done no harm. The endless fantasizing about his embrace and a warm cuddle, finally disposed off in masturbatory session in bathroom. Darn. This is what life was then.
Everyone spoke about you with pride; of course your parents were the happiest. But, beneath this sober persona, was a person waiting to break open. You sighed at the perfectly pedicured fingers, clean-shaven legs, spaghetti tops and said this was me in future. But, never did that come. You still gape at the stylish ladies. You yearned for perfect curves then and still yearn for them. The only difference is, there were no curves then and too much of them now.
In these years of forced happiness, one sitting in the hip and one toddling, I lost you. Forgot the future you spoke off.
But, out of the blue, mushy feelings again aroused. Seamlessly flowing was the sudden affection for him. Did you meet him then? The flamboyant boy, dripping in arrogance? Did you then dismiss him as shallow. Today, I watch him with envy. He is back in my life, with the same zest. He did not postpone his happiness for security. His happiness was world for him then and now.
We both sit in the same office, sucking the same papers. But after office hours, we don’t suck the same thing. He probably rolls in enjoyment and I suck at the forced orgasm. Life moves on. The future of spaghetti, clean-shaven legs never came. But, somewhere I see a flicker of hope.
In the beach yesterday, he again smirked at my past. The memoirs of my flat body and shy attitude had me fuming. But, something really changed the evening. May be the swooning moon or the past itself. I found myself locked in embrace and kissing him. He has a knack with toes. He really has. In matter of few hours, inhibitions become a thing of past, really. Here, Iam embracing the future I spoke of. It’s not him, it’s just me, venting through him.
It seems as though something postponed for eternity has been completed. Just one advise for you. Life doesn’t wait for others. Neither is someone bothered about you. Just walk your way, happiness will follow….People who matter don’t hurt you. People who hurt you don’t matter.