If I knew then what I know now (4)

I truly believe I was wiser at your age, and in life's magnanimous luxuries of experiences I have become nothing but a nut who has found more questions than answers all the way.

You wish you were a liberal, and you arent sure if you are already one. You are one of those whiny girls who thinks 'I wish to be liberal, but nobody would let me be so'. I suppose having witnessed your life for the past three decades and more, I can dare say you are probably a liberal-more-than-you-could-possibly-imagine now, so take it easy and be happy happy happy yooooh.

Yeah that guy, in fourth year, the one who was with you, at the quiz competition, in debating society, yes, he is the one who fathers that tiny darling who listens to your (duh?) lullaby and falls asleep gracefully making you feel like a Golden Globe Nominee. How about all your dreams of seeing him live-happily-ever-after with that lean and lanky lovely Shanki, since you thought they were a cool couple and it was absolutely cool to be passing the love letter from him to her and become their life time friends? Well, let me tell ya, life is full of surprises. Even though some surprises has crazy twists and turns it always ends up crazy good when it parks itself for a while in life's moments.

There is no god damn way I am getting married you declare to your friends and you inform them all that you would not attend any of their marriages, because that is like seeing a friend killing herself. Your friends are pissed with you for that, and to their utter shock you marry before them all, and once they are all done, you actually marry again! You rascal! :) Yes living together too, and far far away too, everything in double dose. Who said it was impossible?

Let us look at your obsession with this word "liberal". You think being a girl, coming from Tamil Nadu, you will be enslaved soon, if not to mundane marriage as other women do, but to society, religion, culture as many men seem to be too. You think adult life totally sucks. Being an adult means the opposite of being "liberal" you have concluded. Your own fear of self-defeat to external pressure makes you bitter towards yourself and impending adulthood. But voila, life opens up before you without any limits or boundaries and you could just run around crazily like a dog who just had a bath, you indeed did that for a while happily, also sometimes you were obsessed with your own tail, like in those moments you blogged on sex education, and the rest of craziness of your failures and the ridiculous happiness of them all!

I cant post this letter for you, because you wont believe a single thing I am saying. Yeah, even if a myriad masturbatory dreams have been secretly tackled by you now, we totally suck at "sex" when it comes to real action, and the real orgasm was a mystery for a long long time. Liberal, my ass, says your soul! :)

So is your life, a million ideas of being a liberal, but when life opens up with no limits, no walls, no villain, nothing on your way, then you dont know what to do with yourself anymore. You simply went nuts, experimenting and exploring endlessly. Eventually, what else, became just a happy (fat) nut who is more worried about the size of her pants than the definition of the word liberal!

Madura