My Dear - 4

To Beauty Parlour Aunty

My dear 'Beauty Parlour' Aunty,

Thanks for all the fish. And Thanks, but no thanks for all the titbits -The extremely creative
ways in which you have been giving me your impression of my beauty regime. Listen woman, I have better things to do than polish my face into shiny perfection or count every whitehead that
rears its ugly head on my nose. I have beautiful hair and the fact that I dont Mehendi every 4
weeks does not mean I have nothing going for me. Your suppressed but obvious disdain at the
hair on my upper lip; or the way you try 'not to' show your disapproval at my lack of
sophistication is despicable. Your kind advice to not let the sun and wind get anywhere close
to my face has been noted, thank you so much. There is nothing wrong with my nails though, I
just dont spend 4 hours a day filing them between every few lines of code that I write. No, I
dont want my hair coloured and I dont see why I should feel gauch about it. I just want you to
shape my eyebrows and wax my arms. You can give me simple beauty tips, if you please, butyour
opinion of what all I need to do to 'get my damaged assets back on line' is preferred canned. I
work hard all week and I dont need to know how sloppy I am because I use eye liner and not kohl
pencil. I dont even care, for God's sake. How often do I comment on your fat ass? It's bad for
the health too, u know? And have you though of whether the ammonia fumes from the bleach you
keep using has affected your brains? I think they have. You are very polite always, of course.
And I pay you for making me feel unfashionable and miserable after every visit.I look fine,
really, and I dont want you to thread the hair on the back of my cheek. It doesnt even show,
but to your ever watchful eye. The tiny hair on my fingers would not have bothered me but for
your branding of it. My elbows are not dry and I religiously apply moisturizer after a bath. I
am not that great with sunscreen, but a little bit of sun is good for everyone. I do not want
the pale lizard skin that you have acquired from sitting in the AC all day. Oh, and I always
realize how you 'quote' other people in order to make 'suggestions'. And that's exactly why I
always crinkle up my nose and talk about 'other' beauty parlours that dont use disposable
waxing strips or change the combs they use after every haircut. Oh, and just so you know, I
bring my own comb for the haircut quoting it as a personal preference, but that's just to make
you realise what I think about your sense of hygiene. Hah.

Anon